the chemire cat

Jul 22

Got to give the neighbor a ride to the store.

I joined this community called ovlvx, The information to log-in is on the tablet though, cause Jack cannot remember his gmail password on here.

Oh, I of course missed some things about the day.

Jack’s mom was uber stressful in the car, and very stuck in seeing only the dimensions of her feelings.  She went on and on and complained how no one cares but it was funny cause I was giving her a ride to the dr. and all, you’d think she’d realize I did care.

I wish I could spell it out for her more, but it’s such a waste to explain it to her in her irrational state.  I have the PAW, which still eats at me from day-to-day—hard to tell how good or bad the day is, other than if I have enough weed which helps a lot. On top of that, I take care of 2 dogs, 4 cats, a lizard, 3 disabled persons, their residence, you see?  Then recently I had allergies or something, so that was added to the plate so-to-speak.

Sometimes I feel like she wants me and everyone around her to devote themselves to taking care of her, and she does not see how self-centered in her demands she can be at times..

I understand the surgery and everything was traumatizing but she isn’t the only one with issues and traumas.  

Any way my main point is from her being so fucking stressful, despite having complained about my leg hurting to walk on earlier, I went for a run once we got to the health care place.

I probably should not have run, but it has been a coping mechanism of mine for a while when people really push my buttons.

I am learning from Jack’s mom that not everyone will appreciate the immediate positive results of you being you and doing the things you do, and that that should not at all get in the way of you being you and doing what you do.  What is is what is, being the truth, and being the truth it is still the facts of the matter irregardless if someone acknowledges and gives praise of it or not.

It is enough for me to know that I am a speck of dust amidst a gargantuan incomprehension which has the totality within its own speckness, and the essence of that being love.  All that is done in love is of course precious, and never forgot in the eternal memory.  To me, that is enough.

I was never given much praise for my above average intelligence and what really shines about me as a child.  I was in fact verbally abused.  I had to learn early on that it call comes from within me, and how I react to it.  It is however a lesson which takes some time to fully understand in every sense of the word..

How much of a loser pervert hermit am I that I spent most of the past couple of days looking at porn of wet hairy vaginas on the net? 

When do you think I will get laid?  Upon death?

I go through periods where I miss being in society, and with awesome people, but then have other periods where it seems like even that isn’t enough to make me want to be so visible in such a world weaved of lies and deceit and utter bullshit.  That’s when I love falling inbetween the cracks, and insomuch as I am still “social,” it’s in this social underground sense where I am very visible to certain people but not to society at large.Lately been feeling like I’m missing out on meeting a bunch of awesome people and experiences cause I am holed up in this house taking care of these three disabled people..hrm.

I apparently need sex like 2 times a day minimum, lol, and the record of our relationship has barely made the quota.  :p

Busy day.  Took jack’s mom to her appointment.  She was hysterical and overreacted but I just let her express herself.  Then the dog flipped out and barked/ followed around the nurse lady, if I hadn’t been there to wrestle her to the ground may not have gone so well.  Did dishes, cat boxes, watered plants, cleaned and swept laundry/ kitchen floor after a nice nap here just moments ago.  About to go down on a nice bowl.  Wishing my love had hormones.  :’( 

Stoner seeks femme fatale stoner bitch with heart of gold, 

must love sex for days at a time and like anal sex.

Jul 21

(via bandsnbongs)


The heat+ PAW have been KILLER for me.  I need like a couple weeks recuperation after everything, life has really felt like a trial lately.  Jack’s mom’s heart surgery and all just made things all that much more of a trial.  I keep having some difficulty breathing and as much as I cut back on smoking pot doesn’t seem to make that much of a difference.  Took the diph and all cause I need a break from weed.