this took me forever but i’m p happy with how it turned out !!!
from a small list of things that i normally would hide by flatsound
Woke up with diarrhea this morning, and morning prior. The about two days of fasting was a bit much for my body apparently.
Felt fucking terrible, lightheaded, left hip hurt, last night.
Have been talking with this sweet friend on the phone lately, and she has blessed me with food and so forth. I love her to death. She is going to pay for me to visit eventually and I will get a break from the constant BS here.
Well, we needed milk at the house in the afternoon so I went out and did it even though I limped a bit when walking. I did some stretching first and had some ganja then left. Didn’t feel too amazing then came back and started feeling like I was suffocating. Hard to breathe, lightheaded, with intense overstimulation kind of shit. When that was over Jack’s mom had some shit I needed to do for her so I did it and burned the fuck up much of the time doing it.
Night is here now thank Goddess. I will probably smoke more tonight since I have been smoking next to nothing lately (which is why I don’t understand the suffocation so much)…I took some of my weed oil for now..
PAW bullshit cannot sleep don’t want to take something to put me to sleep.
Tired of everything: the burning sun every day, taking care of others while feeling like shit, the constant PAW bullshit, having to take shit to feel better, having to smoke to feel better, tired of being awake, tired of being asleep, tired of eating.
Could use a break from existence for a while.
Either that or someone’s company who makes me feel like I actually want to exist for a while..
I’m tired of smoking.
I’m tired of taking shit to feel better.
When I die I will feel better,
so please, can I just leave hell now.
What a beautiful night for me to fuck it all.
I am so tired of being alive just to suffer most of the time.
In other words, if anyone on this fucking tumblr page wants to fuck with me, THINK FIRST OR ELSE PAY THE CONSEQUENCES.
It hurt him for months.
Imagine that, except on a much larger scale, and you get an idea of what I mean.
When I was 18 or so I saw my stepfather abusing my brother in the same way as me.
I snapped and threw a punch, not even aware of where I was aiming. I hit him square in the kidney.
There is so much inbuilt rage to me, I feel like given the right circumstance I would just crack, and lose all seeming conscious awareness, now just some crazed beserker beast out to kill whatever is in the way, at the cost of my own life not being a concern to me whatsoever..