I finally ejaculated for the first time in about 4 days. I was with this group on facebook for a period of time where the fellow taught “White Alchemy,” which is saving the semen so that one can build up energy to reach the third eye and open it. I think there is some benefit to saving the seed but I don’t think it quite goes that ridiculously far. So I have been actively rebelling against the own uptight conditionals of sexuality and this saving of the semen. I was so zealously devoted to the doctrine of going against the laws of nature that before this period of on-and-off-again ejaculation, I did not come but three times and it was like 8 months into the year. I’m still sitting here feeling like I should punish myself just for ejaculating. Like I have somehow spiritually defiled myself. Anyone who tells you about alchemy and says you can store energy is full of shit. Real alchemy involves a process which you cannot control in such a way.
Not saying I know everything about alchemy.
I came watching this camera girl I’ve been watching some days. But it was more than just shallowness. I tried to restrain the orgasm and implode rather than explode but failed. Then felt ridiculous for feeling lesser of myself for doing something that is a natural function.
Scientifically speaking the male is designed to ejaculate at least sometimes. If not, it causes some health problems. The whole notion of complete swearing-off of ejaculation reminds me of the buddha’s deprivations of his own desires trying to transcend them. We wll know that it is not going to work. Yet I fell under its sway.
People like these wait for people who are those brillaint, damaged, vulnerable kind of types. I was in an especially vulnerable position, just coming to terms with the post-acute withdrawal. Fuck, still to this day to some extent I am.
When I came, I ate it all.
The ejaculation itself didn’t really feel that amazing.
I am hoping it sedates me to sleep cause I am wide awake.
I focused on my intention while coming and a bit after. I focused on Kali Ma. Love.
My left side of my neck feels fucked up, I really should lay down..
Just back from running more errands, earlier before that did some chores around here. Sunday I intend usually to be my day completely off, usually never happens. Not feeling that well today. Before I left was watching a sexy cam girl with a nice big vagina stroking her cunt with a dildo—was very sexy.
Want to get stoned but not much weed and used vapor rub cause having some trouble breathing…fucking hot day again here today. I’m about to try to sleep for a while then wake up and get stoned for nighttime hopefully…?
This notion of astral projection is at base nothing more than another re-assertion of Plato’s world of ideas and forms stripped of its Christianized clothes and more people need to recognize it as such.
I have always strongly emphasized with Nietzsche’s notion about life is HERE AND NOW. The essence of the notion of astral projection is fundamentally otherworldly in character. I think that it is fair to say that Plato was onto something with his finger pointed to the heavens but so, too, was Aristotle with his finger pointing downard—emphasizing HERE AND NOW… I think in my own mind I seek a balance between the two. I see both as polarities on the same kind of pole, over-emphasis of one is just as bad as the other. For much time, as a collective, we have over-emphasized Plato’s notion in a Christian recapitulation. This notion of astral projection is at base nothing more than another re-assertion of Plato’s world of ideas and forms stripped of its Christianized clothes and more people need to recognize it as such. What is the need to travel to other worlds other than as an escape from this world when fundamentally the human ability to exist on this planet is dwindling? If your body dies upon this plane, then how shall you be traveling to other planes other than because you have perished upon this one?
Any sense of spirituality, if we wish to use this LABEL, will have to at first be ground in some kind of Earthly dimension to this. Is Astral Projection, inasmuch as it has its use, being over-emphasized and used by some when really of more direct need and interest and pertinancy are the issues of human ability to continue to exist upon this planet, and so forth which are of direct relation to here and now, malchut if you like whatever else you would like to call it to your fancies…As Jesus says in your bible that some are so fond of “The kingdom of heaven is at hand”…It doesn’t say, “The kingdom of heaven is at God’s hand,” now does it? If you wanted to astral to heaven then it seems like you’d be traveling to where you already are… How many “adepts” seek to astral project when the real work to be done is obviously upon this plane, and why do they not understand that what is done upon this level reflects into all other levels?
Fuck this camera site I found to watch women at for the most part. Unless you pay about 30 bucks to get some tokens, you can’t be a “premium member” and you aren’t allowed to do much of jack shit to interact with models. Most models on the site mute guests, finding them annoying. Why the fuck I even waste time on this site, I don’t know…sick sexual desperation I guess? I know I am more than sexy enough to find someone to make love to…It’s just a matter of finding someone who it isn’t just some shallow exchange for..
But not having money pretty much ever doesn’t really help.
I should walk about and wherever there are women, they should just flash me from the amazing sexy form and vibes they get from me. Some women should just wet their panties as I walk by, or slap their ass, or finger themselves.
Police should be following me around everywhere, like they are my shadow, watching over me in the sick twisted mindfuck way. Waiting to get people for indecent exposure. Some of the cops being women of course flashing me too, sometimes getting arrested.
I am going to be fucking 28 soon and I haven’t yet fucked out the world’s brains.
I should stop eating chocolate and masturbating because then the chocolate stains my mouth and the salva I use to lubricate my cock becomes chocolate-infested thereby getting chocolate all over various parts of my body. Thus leaving me with no one to lick it up for me.
I need to get laid. I guess I’ll have to fuck my anima again..
I am so hermitishly desperate I’m watching webcam girls on this site…
You can actually see quite a bit even though not being a “premium member.”
Even though you can do jack shit without paying some money…
and of course all the models want are the tokens.
Which leaves me feeling bad, cause I have no tokens to share.
This one woman was very sexy. Saw her lick whip cream off her tit. Made me have a wave of pleasure. She is from Switzerland and studying to be a lawyer. Has a great sense of movement and rhythm dancing. Was lovely to see..
I wish I could sleep but I don’t really think so..